my latest email to you:

i step through the cold delicate air as silently as i possibly can.
past the twelve. past the one.
the air is cool hair. i'm sure easy and simple for you.
yet i shake when the wind grazes my skin.

sometimes i wonder if this ever will REALLY reach you.
if my words will stay meaningless.
if you can hear my voice with each sentence.

maybe it is just one of those days.

i went back to places i left messages for you tonight.
i found them silly-- childish-- irrational.

but at the time i was so sure.
so positive they would reach you.

for weeks i could not forget you.
could not deny you.
could not grasp you.

was i foolish?

i'm glad i've grown.
i'm glad i can live for me now.

and what is funny is you had much to do with that.

why do you help those you will never meet?
never feel?
never touch?


is it a gift? a curse? something you like or dislike?
something you realize or something you deny?

you and i will never know each other.
yet you probably know me more then anyone else.
i've said this over and over.

but do i call it friendship?

or do i call it luck?

i hope your day was perfect.
i hope you saw the sun rise or the sun set.
the moon grow large, pulsating through the heavenly atmosphere above.
the stars skip through the night sky.

because i did.

thinking of you,
tahnee