firefly.

when i desert all meaning i will carry you with me
your fingers places around my shoulders gently tugging my body.
my skin.
my shirt.

i could not leave you, you know.


but reality is ever changing and ever moving.

until you forget my past i can't create your future.
your legacy.
your perfection.


and maybe my jovial words are not really words at all.

maybe my sentences are put together wrong, each word out of order.
each letter in its wrong place.

but this is not where i want to drop you off.
this cliff is not tall enough.
not close enough to the sky's edge and the moons lair.

i can't keep you.

no matter how hard i try to make you something of mine your words slip out too easily leaving it up to all to figure out your next step.

but i wish it was a step towards me.

i hope that it's a step towardes me.

but we all know my wishful thinking. my way of thinking of things that do not even exist.

maybe i was not meant for this world. not meant to feel or love or touch.

but still I WANT TO BE YOURS!

must i scream it? must i project it for all man kind to see hear and know?


maybe it is just about what i would like to confess. and what i would like to be.

maybe your words are not even words at all but the thoughts i think in my mind that are meant just for you.


i can always love too much.
too soon.
too hastily.

and i want to love you.

you are
whats for dinner.

tearing your skin with my giant teeth i smile at the glory of your end.

i have little patience.

i have little time.

but for you i will give 1,000 seas.
1 million kisses.

1 billion lovers for every occasion.


so let me in, you man, you.

and leave me the left side of the bed.

because i'm moving in.

my latest email to you:

i step through the cold delicate air as silently as i possibly can.
past the twelve. past the one.
the air is cool hair. i'm sure easy and simple for you.
yet i shake when the wind grazes my skin.

sometimes i wonder if this ever will REALLY reach you.
if my words will stay meaningless.
if you can hear my voice with each sentence.

maybe it is just one of those days.

i went back to places i left messages for you tonight.
i found them silly-- childish-- irrational.

but at the time i was so sure.
so positive they would reach you.

for weeks i could not forget you.
could not deny you.
could not grasp you.

was i foolish?

i'm glad i've grown.
i'm glad i can live for me now.

and what is funny is you had much to do with that.

why do you help those you will never meet?
never feel?
never touch?


is it a gift? a curse? something you like or dislike?
something you realize or something you deny?

you and i will never know each other.
yet you probably know me more then anyone else.
i've said this over and over.

but do i call it friendship?

or do i call it luck?

i hope your day was perfect.
i hope you saw the sun rise or the sun set.
the moon grow large, pulsating through the heavenly atmosphere above.
the stars skip through the night sky.

because i did.

thinking of you,
tahnee

wet nose.

when i enter your arms my breath skips ahead of me
my fingers grip to your skin like warmth decomposing death.
and when our hearts pitter-patter in sync is when i know there is never too much.
you are never too much for me.


each day i grow more fond of childish cackling,
broken speech,
clumsy fingers.

each moment i deliver more then what you ever imagined.


and with every single touch of your bronze embrace, more of my being turns to gold.

i am in fact satiated.
i am in fact whole.


i am in fact this.

me.

wandering.

i was not what they wanted. my fists too small. my muscles too relaxed.
i was not that fighter they had in mind.

so instead i walked off, my fists clenched to my sides.
my head starring straight, my eyes glowing with something.

little did they know i was a fighter.

a warrior.

a reactor.

i had faught off wolves and demons and monsters.
liquid hope and fairy tales like snow white.

i had bloomed into an entity of colours.
of demand.

but they did not notice.

so i walked away, only to walk into another storm.

i faught it off, the wind and rain batting down on my body.
my eyelashes doused in raindrops.

my shoulders and spine straight.

and now i am here.
the sun glowing, raising itself from it's sleep.

a coliseum of golden pride and ruby decadence.


i finally escaped to you.

and

we made it through the night with two cups of coffee and some small talk.
his eyes circled my heart a few times before they quivered.
"for me?" i ask, my hands gripping to the faded diner table, stuck like molasses and paste.
he laughs, saying nothing.

i could pretend his eyes said it all but thats just it.
he said nothing.

safetly flying in our own orbits.

my feet are itchy. as are the bottoms of my legs.

strange.

widower.

i'm doing well actually.

my life has been rather abundant lately and i'm happy for that.

although i'm sad that i can't be on second life.

its such a horrible addiction.

but i'll be on again when i can get a decent computer.




glenn-- if you read this which i would like to think that you might stop by every once in a while but that could be a complete and total wish only haha-- i just want you to know that i've been thinking about you lately and i hope that all is well!! i hope to hear from you soon-- but not on sl because i'm not there anymore really.

so you can always find me haha i'm sure you know that.

you

my heart is tick tick tocking
but no ones coming a-knocking.





pitter patter
splash
jump
break
hold on tight
before this breaks



i is you is love is nothing is something to everyone of us.


i have to hold my breath.