yeah i hope you look here too.

dumb girls that think they know who they are but don't;
think they are important but aren't;
think that they can hut me but can't.

i hate people that judge you because they envy you, and
hate you because they hate themselves.

one day you will know that you are the stupid one.
you are the weird creepy one.
you are the fake one.

and although i am hurt and confused because you are not who i thought you were, am i glad that it's over because i do not want to waste my time on anyone like you.

and i'll end it the same way:
i hope someone shows you this.

so go on letting your mom buy you drugs, and lying to those you love so they will love you back. go on doing everything you do so that you will fit in. because none of this matters. and one day, when you realize you have wasted your life and have nothing of your own because you've been supported for your entire life you will understand. i don't care about life or death or the immature bullshit that you swear i am even though you just see yourself in other people. i don't care if you hate me.
but i do care about all of the memories i have. all of the good times we have shared. and those moments that have shaped me into who i am today.

you've lost yourself and i hope you find it soon. otherwise you'll be just another blank face in the crowd, lost to everyone including yourself.

and you are probably laughing in my face right now.

the sad thing is i ALWAYS stood up for you.

until now.

this sucks

my writing progressivly gets worse.
i guess i just do not have it in me anymore.
i keep trying to go back to the roots but it is not working.
i want it back but at the same time i do not,
because i was miserable.
i was depressed.
and that is why it was better, i guess.

gah. this is not fair.

green

it is all in a contrast
imbalanced and improper
me trying to not be me
and you being you too much

we just breathe in a room of greed
waiting to see who we really are
together

coming and going from on reality
to the next
my life that was has long gone
and will never be

you seem to wrap around me with
the movement of your words
and you terrify my sometimes

they all terrify me sometimes

my fingers drift further and further
until you are nothing but a memory away

my lost heart will always be lost--
just a memory on an old beat up couch
4 years ago next week

bring that cold whipping wind that brings me to my knees.

i'm getting a promise ring.
i'm happy and not happy about it all in one.
i love him and i hate him.

i don't know.

someone show me something better and i won't do it.

school is tiring.

i know that my classes are way easy, it's just so tiring being there from 10 a.m. to 7 p.m.
and then having to walk a mile to the fucking car.
i mean, it isn't that bad, but still. i mean, it's me and i am in fact a lazy ass.
i just got home from hanging out with megan, kevin, matt, and victoria at shisha cafe. sean met up with us there and it was funny because matt had been his teacher for some class. it was funny.
i'm so glad i met victoria and matt!! i love hanging out with them.

my eyes are getting so heavy.
i can't help but dozing off so i guess i should sleep.
nighty night.